Porn – What I Wish It Was Teaching!
I have had people say to me that from the external I’m sexual, but fuck me, I was frozen inside. Especially when it came to intimacy, my sexual expression, my voice, my needs and my awareness of them.
I speak in heterosexual language here, not because I am against any other sexual orientation, simply to honour all our expressions, knowing you can alter this to your unique circumstance if you are in the realm of pleasing women.
For such a long time I felt I was weird, because porn felt dirty and if I had the language for it, I would have said the energy was lacking authenticity. I felt a pang of jealousy when my partners would confess their porn viewings, but had an equal heat expand between my legs when they confessed. Like a wounded lover, hurt but turned on in some strange way. I say strange as the conditioning I had been subject to had me believe that monogamy was the only way, that ownership and pleasure needed to be partners.
It all felt fu@%ed up, this mis mash of thoughts and feelings and I didn’t know which was most alive in me and needed following.
The women in porn seemed to be having experiences that I wasn’t having and honestly, never thought I was capable of.
The lights on, lingerie clad, head back screaming ecstasy I was seeing, seemed so far away.
And it was… because, what I was seeing, did not consider the woman more than anything than as a pumping, dumping ground and she seemed to love it! And the men believing that they were actually bringing a sense of fulfillment to the woman, but were they? Neither man or woman seemed to be connecting and feeling their true sense of potent, subtle power.
Men are taught about sex from the porn industry, then they teach us women about sex.
They get us off, or we fake an orgasm, then they fall asleep feeling they have satisfied us. We are left with perhaps guilty feelings, or at the very least confusion, as the experience was nothing like the porn clips you’ve seen. Guilty about our faking it or disconnect some more to avoid the truth and feelings that are rising within us.
We don’t talk about our sex, other than the vanilla. “…Oh, I have sex once a month with my husband…” And that’s about as far as it goes leaving us with more and more confusion.
You see, what if there was a sensual sex school where your husband, or lover was taught how to revere a woman? Where Sacred Sex was the subject? The lessons centred around yin (feminine) and yang (masculine) sexual energy and how it differs? How it complements the other…
That the clitoris has bulbs that extend into the vulva.
That tending to ALL parts of her is the recipe for his woman’s opening.
Here’s what I’ve learnt on my journey to sacred sex, in my unique way:
That the senses are a gateway to pleasure pathways and satisfying them is a way to open her up to receiving you:
Skin – Touch her with different pressure, go slow, use sensory tools, think feather, do not enter her yoni until she is yearning for your penetration. Run your finger from her lower belly to her bottom lip and back again.
Ears – Ask her desires, her fears, her hopes and let her share them with you without interrupting, just presence and space holding (which is just listening, not to fix, simply to hear her, to receive her) women love to be heard.
Eyes – maintain deep connection with eye gazing, soft loving and playful, or fierce with desire.
Nose – breathe in the pheromones.
Mouth – Taste her, feel her lips with varying pressure and urgency.
Heart/Breasts – are directly connected to her pussy via the Vagus nerve. Worship her breasts and they’ll activate a juicy opening within her yoni.
Satisfy every opening and desire in her body.
She will open for you again and again.
Sex is an opportunity into an altered state, and she needs to feel fully desired by you to enter this state.
Her voice and her pussy are partners and need space to feel free to be silent, loud, asking for something or asking for something to stop without your wounds coming up.
When she asks, it’s not about you, it’s about her.
Let her feel all she is capable of; she will want more of it and more of you.
Take your time, play with her, feed her desire with loving intention.
Yin sexual energy comes from the inside out. Ask permission to enter her, thank her when she says yes. If she isn’t ready and says no, ask her what she desires to receive for it to be a yes!
When she does say yes, thank her, press your entire open hand against her vulva and apply gentle but firm pressure. Stay for a moment and take a breath or two with her. Create space for energy to build and flow.
This is Sacred sex – it is approaching your partner’s body as a temple.
In 2020 I started my journey of returning to my body and realising that the blame I was placing on my lover was nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. That my voice needed to be invited into our love making.
I became an erotic maven with Temple of She and my life has changed forever, by learning the language of my body, it’s needs and desires and how to voice them.
This is a practice of becoming, which means unlearning.
Of course, you can have hot quick sex but include some extra attention to really get her opening in ways you’ve dreamed of.
Watch your relationship unfold.
Want to learn more about pleasing your woman? Jump on a discovery call or reach out about my 1.5 hour ‘pleasing beyond expectations’ Zoom sessions – $250
